Now That's Awkward...

I feel like I have had a less than stellar start to my "summer of blogging", but we have been driving (a lot -- think 45 hours of driving between our two recent trips) and have been gone for home a lot.  And then...there was the week in there that we didn't have any kids, since they were at their Grandparents in Ohio.

I realized a couple of things while they were gone:

Wow!  Kids are messy and we, the parents, are so NOT messy.

Wow!  Our house is SO quiet and kind of boring without our kids.

Blogging was pretty much the last thing I felt like doing in my "free" time.

Big realization:  The kids are NOT the reason that I have a distracted mind. It is a completely internal issue.

Anyway, there was less awkwardness to write about with the kids gone, but I have still been able to compile a little list.  Just everyday stuff that I find funny.  And often, in my world, awkward = funny!

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While traveling home from Ohio, we stopped at one of those interstate plaza places. I went inside to use the bathroom and get something snacky.  When the cashier rang up my stuff, it came to $2.02.  So...she said "That will be two dollars and two cents." 

I knew I was being corny, but I couldn't stop myself. I laid my 2 dollar bills on the counter and then I dug two pennies out of my purse and plunked them down and then said "There's MY two cents."

I am even a self-proclaimed hater of puns, yet I totally did the "two cents" joke. Thankfully, she caught on and laughed along with me.  I don't know why that was fun for me. But it could have something to do with me often wanting to say somewhat awkward things to cashiers or make stupid jokes but I am afraid of looking like a complete idiot, so I usually keep it to myself. Maybe I was just proud of myself that I had the nerve to follow through and that it ended relatively well.

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I was picking strawberries out in our little garden while the kids were gone.  I had my phone with me. Don't ask why? I was probably in the midst of a texting marathon of some sort and didn't want to miss the upcoming response.  Anyway, I found this little guy and snapped a picture of him to text to my kids. Turns out...they never even got the text.

But I got the chance to hold a toad and whose day wouldn't that make?

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The picture I took of my black and blue fingers.  The result of a fast moving ball that I caught in the wrong part of my glove at softball practice.  Thankfully, it healed up pretty quickly and the swelling went down and my fingers have returned to their normal color.

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The hotel we stayed at in Portage, IN.  It was all.kinds.of.awkward.and.wrong.

We have driven till 2 in the morning in order to make it through Chicago without that annoying traffic. I had done some research on where we could get a hotel (emphasis on cheap...since we would only be there 6 or 7 hours) ahead of time and we settled on this (shall remain nameless) hotel in Portage. Maybe it should have tipped us off that they didn't "do reservations...but DID have plenty of rooms."

Just for the record...it was only $45.  And for good reason.

Another thing that could have possibly clued us in to the condition of the hotel was that it was located  across the road from a place called "Driftwood Bar" that appeared to be abandoned.  But, really, at 2 in the morning, I can barely walk straight, much less care too much about the surroundings of our hotel.

We checked in, got our stuff out of the van, and walked in through the (completely unlocked) exterior door, past the barricade in the hallway where the ceiling was falling down, and down the many hallways to our room, where the comforters had holes from cigarette burns (in a non-smoking room), the sheet had a stain that was of a suspicious yellow color and where, when I pulled my cell phone charger out of the outlet, the whole outlet just pulled right out of the wall.

Apparently Jeremy had gotten too much sleep while I was driving late into the night, because he kept making joke after (bad) joke while I was trying to fall asleep.

Things like "If Vinny knocks down our door and comes looking for his stash, we know we're in trouble" and "Don't try to go swimming in the morning, because the pool is empty.  I think they had to drain it to find Vinny's brother!"

and when I said "I'm glad you are here with me because I'm not sure I could find my way out of here in the morning", he said "Oh, just follow the police tape and the body chalk!"

I seriously think that over 2/3 of the people I know would have checked right back out of the hotel, but since I am a) not a germaphobe of any sort and b) a cheap-sake and c) I was super tired...we stayed. I told Jeremy that if we get bed bugs from that place, I will completely regret my decision.  Next time, we might just sleep in the van!

Oh, and PS -- This was a vehicle that was parked in the hotel parking lot.  Anyone know what F.Y.T. stands for?  Cuz in the meantime, I'm making up my own acronymns and  I'm not sure you want to know what they are.

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Jeremy was wearing this shirt (which, if you can't read it, says "You don't get a body like this by working out")  when we arrived in the South Bend area of Indiana.  But, he was wearing it with plain black shorts, which I did not consider to be a fashion tragedy, not-withstanding his love (and my hatred) of statement T-shirts.  But, when we went to Kohl's and he found these grey and white plaid shorts and paired them WITH this t-shirt...I couldn't take it anymore.

I tried to tell him how bad they looked together, but he would not listen.  So, I told him that I was taking a picture of him and putting it on my blog under "That's Awkward".  It didn't even phase him.  He was kind enough to even pose for me.  (Which makes me think maybe I shouldn't post this, but I have to keep my word, don't I?)

Anyway, this is Jeremy in his Wal-mart grocery-getting gear.  When I finally looked at the picture more closely this morning, I felt like it couldn't have been any more perfect that the poster to Jeremy's left is completely lined up with his pose and there is a gun to his head.

Maybe those guys on the poster are the fashion police???

But, I also thought I should post this second picture to show that Jeremy is still dang handsome, even in a (by the wife's standards) mis-matched outfit.  You really do rock those statement T's, honey!

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I had made 2 strawberry cream cheese desserts while the kids were gone...with fresh strawberries from my garden, mind you.

I took one to Bible study and the other was in our fridge and we were about to leave for the weekend. Jeremy suggested I bring it along and we could eat it when we were camping.

Great idea, but I am feeling like he should have followed through with further instructions for me.

I put the strawberry dessert (in a 9 X 13 pan with a non-sealing lid) in the bottom of the cooler. Then I bought a bag of ice.  I dumped the ice into the cooler.  The next morning I realized that the pan was not waterproof and somewhere west of South Bend we dumped pink strawberry juice/melted ice/water into the parking lot of a roadside plaza. 

My dessert was ruined!!  Jeremy had several suggestions as to how I could have handled this scenario differently. He's such a smart man.

1) Put ice UNDER the 9 X 13 pan.

2)  Place an UN-opened bag of ice in the cooler.

3)  Re-dye my hair. (Ok, that was my idea.)

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Waking up in the morning in the tent and going about my normal business of putting my contacts in. And then staring at myself in my little hand mirror for a full 30 seconds because I saw, for the first time, that I have this little "pouch" of skin on my eyelids, near the inside corner of my eye.

I wanted to blink and make it go away, but instead I stared with disbelief and wondered how that skin got there? And why I had never seen it before?  All of a sudden, I saw myself as an old lady and it kinda freaked me out.  Yeah, that was all kinds of awkward.

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Naked rock shining.

If you don't understand that phrase, let me explain.  This is where you are sent outside to turn off the hose and you are naked (having recently taken off your swimming suit).  Once you get out there, you decide that it would be a grand idea to "shine the rocks" on the retaining wall by hosing them down. All while naked.  Jeremy said this should be under the category of "Behaviors that need to stop within the next 10 years".  Ha, ha.

PS -- Isn't her little white butt just the cutest?

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And last by not least...having a "window war" with your son while driving home from town.  He tries to turn down the power window using his controls and you try to make sure it stays up by holding down the button on your side.

You play "chicken", which is him pretending to go for the button and faking you out, and then he tries to quickly beat you to it and so you hold down the button some more, laughing all the while.

And then...you get home and try to actually turn the window up and realize that you may have just burned up the motor of the power window with your little fun game.

Your husband glares. You feel super foolish.

You finally get the window up by using some pushing and pulling and sporadic punching of buttons and since then you have been afraid to try it again and see if it still doesn't work.

Because then you will feel even worse than you already do.

This may or may not have happened to someone I know.

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