I don't know that I've ever had the courage to say that out loud to a {potentially} large group of people before. It feels in some strange way like saying it just.like.that gives it more power. But maybe it works the other way?
But when it's been 6 or 7 years and I'm still fighting the same battles to see good in my days, to recognize things to be grateful for, and to fight away the grey cloud that hovers just over my head, I guess eventually I have to face the reality of my life.
When I tell people that I struggle with depression, especially those who don't know me well, they always seem to surprised.
"But you're always smiling."
"You always seem so happy."
It goes to show you can't always tell what is going on with someone just by the face they show to the world. I'm not trying to be ungenuine by smiling when I'm sad inside. It's more that smiling is a long standing habit with me and I don't see the harm in keeping it up. May as well not bring others down with me if I can help it.
Today is an absolutely gorgeous Wisconsin day. I finished with my work and went and sat outside with a good book. But I didn't feel happy. I felt like I should feel happy. And then I felt guilty that I didn't.
So I did this exercise that I sometimes do these days. It's an exercise to bring me back to the present moment, to help me recognize all that is around me that is wonderful, and it gets my mind out of it's default over-thinking mode.
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| This was my "observation chair" today |
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| I noticed that my nails need to be re-done. Although that wasn't one of the "5 things" |
I thought I would share this with you all because maybe someone can use it in their days as well.
You look around (anytime, anywhere) and you really take in...
5 things you can see -- Today it was the boys' wiffle balls and football lying in the yard, our firewood pile to heat our house this winter, the leaves moving in the wind, the gorgeousness of the blue sky and our trusty van.
4 things you can hear (This one sometimes takes a little patience) Birds, a vehicle in the distance, the wind moving the leaves, more/different birds
3 things you can touch (your own skin, the book in my hands, the grass on my feet)
2 things you can smell (sunshine. I think you CAN actually smell sunshine. And summer.)
1 thing you can taste (this one is hard sometimes, but usually you can taste something if you focus on it)
Maybe you can try this sometime and gain a little perspective and happiness in your day!
