{Research}

The reading of many books,

the discovery of new ideas,

theories and plans and research.



Black and white,

wrong and right.

If you're certain of everything,

you never have to question anything.

So you...



Do the research.

Make the plan.

Control it all.

Eliminate surprise.



Then the doctor calls.

The friend betrays.

You lose the job.



All the research in the world

cannot prepare you for the

emotions you experience.



The tears in your eyes,

the ache in your heart,

and the weight in your chest.



Life is to be experienced,

not anticipated.

Human experience is raw

and real and beautiful and

awful and sacred and messy.



Nothing will save you.

Everything can save you.

Paradox and irony.

Trust and faith and hope.



You'll be ok.   I swear.

You are not alone.  

Maybe life is the research

and experiencing all of it

is what makes you fully alive.



Your soul is beautiful.

Diamonds are made in the fire

and pain carves out grace.

Live your one life fiercely.

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{Signal}

Back when I wrote a lot, I used to do this "Random Word of the Day" thing.  I would go to this website where you just click the mouse on the "word" button and a random word comes up.  And then I'd write about it.

I've gotten kind of rusty in my writing skills but haven't lost my desire to write and create, so I thought I would give this a go again.  I might publish it and I might not...I'm just doing it for the practice at this point.

Words and books are so fascinating to me.  I have always had a complete love affair with books and reading.  Of course, I love some books a lot more than others, but I cannot even tell you how reading has expanded my world and my horizons.  Maybe when you grow up in a little Mennonite sub-culture, reading is one way of breaking out of the box that you have no choice but to be in.

The word "signal" strikes me as a word that you could go many directions with.  But I want to write about something that is current in my life right now.

You know how sometimes you can feel stuck in a certain area of your life?  You find it hard to see options and you feel trapped by your circumstances, your emotions, or your finances.  You might feel uncomfortable with the way things are, but you aren't willing to take the big steps to change things. Fear is usually what holds us back.  

I've been doing a lot of listening to the wise Elizabeth Gilbert and I've also recently read her book called "Big Magic."  It is an extraordinary book with fresh perspective and if you would like to read it, leave a comment on the Facebook link and I will pick one person to send a copy of the book to. You'll enjoy it...I promise!  

Part of what she talks about in that book is making friends with your fear.  No one is ever going to be completely unafraid.  But her idea is that you just talk to your fear.  You thank it for being there and you acknowledge its role in your life (fear saves you from lots of seriously dangerous situations) but you let it know that it won't be needed right now, because, after all, you're just making a career change or running a 5K or giving a speech.  It is not a life or death situation.  

But back to the signal thing...I feel like when change needs to happen in our world, Life gives us little signals to make us uncomfortable with where we are.  I think for me, sometimes that is the only way I am willing to change...when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. When we feel that restlessness and that discomfort, maybe that's a signal.  When we feel our heart being pulled towards certain stories and books and people, that may be a signal. 

I recently coined this quote "True change begins with an awareness of the why".  Why we act the way we do...why we feel the way we feel.  Awareness comes by paying attention to all of those little signals that come our way.

Often, when something happens in our emotions and our heart, our body will give us signals.  Maybe its that sick feeling in your stomach, or a fluttering in your heart, or a tightening in your chest or just a sense of dread.  Pay attention to those things.  They are part of the road map to awareness.

It can be exciting, really. Learning to pay attention to these signals (internal and external) and figure out what they are trying to tell you.  

Maybe it will even lead you to a place of creating some "Big Magic" with your life.  Because we are all prone to underestimate ourselves and I know you've got it in you to do something Big.  

Just start by following the signals.

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{Photography & Perspective}

There is a truth that I am coming to understand more and more.

"The miracle we seek is most often a shift in our perception."  The prayer that goes along with this, for me, is "Holy Spirit.  Help me to see this situation differently."  Simple yet oh.so.profound.  Maybe because it involves big ideas like surrender and trust.

I've also become convinced that, by and large, we see what we are looking for.  Therefore, perception becomes incredibly important in our daily lives.

Probably three or four years ago, I started taking pictures when I would go on my walks on our dirt road. I don't even remember how or why I started.  But I soon learned that it gave me pleasure to look for beauty and it made me feel gratitude.

I really believe that beauty is everywhere, if we have the eyes to see it.

Yes, in some seasons of life you may have to search for it much more diligently and other times it might be easy to spot.  But it is there all the same.

So I've been thinking about photography and perception and lessons I have learned (am learning) in the past while.

I thought I would share some of them with you.


LESSON #1 --
You see what you are looking for.

This time of year, in Wisconsin, it is ugly.  Everything is brown and white and bare and frigid.

Most of the world looks like this:

But...there is always beauty to be found.


LESSON #2 --

You have to slow down and pay attention to see the beauty around you.

The slower the pace, the more likely you are to have the perception to see beauty and the time to enjoy it.

In the midst of the boring, the brown, and the blah...I found this.

I guess I thought these birch stumps were kinda cool.

LESSON #3 -- 

You can choose what you focus on.  You GET to choose what you focus on.

I'm not talking about having this unrealistic view of life and being this super annoyingly perky person who is just always so damn upbeat that other people feel like you don't even live in the real world.

Its just that I don't think that is the danger most of us face.  And I'm pretty sure most of us could benefit from choosing to see and focus on the good and the positive.

LESSON #4 --

Utilize your filters.  Every one of us has filters through which we view the world.  Try to use one that not only helps those around you, but that also makes you happier in the meantime.

Example:  Looking for good in people instead of assuming people are assholes and out to hurt you.

 (Filter)

(No filter)

LESSON #5 --

If you don't like what you see, change where you are standing.  (Emotionally, physically, mentally)

The other day, I took this really cool picture of a barn...through the trees.

I think this scene looks quite peaceful and picturesque. 

But just so you know the rest of the story...when you get closer to the barn, there is a lot of junk and clutter around it and it really isn't all that pretty.

There is a dumpster, old equipment, other buildings, dirty snow, missing boards, you name it.

But there is also beauty to be found when you view it from a different vantage point.

LESSON #6 --

Try not to judge.  We have habit of categorizing anything and everything.

This is good.  This is bad.  This is pretty.  This is ugly.  This is failure.  This is success.

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you don't always know what something really is?

Could you just let it BE?  Suspend your judgment for a brief moment and see what happens. See how your world broadens and morphs into something different and possibly more helpful to your life.

Someone might look at this picture and see ugliness.

It is just a couple of rocks in the snow.

But someone else might see beauty and texture and colors and wonder.

Don't ruin it for them.  Let others around you see what they see and don't discourage them or try to "bring them back to reality."

Like the fact that they are just in the McDonald's drive through.  ;-)

Remember...the miracle you most often seek is just a shift in your perception.

But you've got to open your eyes and be willing to see!

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{If It Makes You Happy}

Sheryl Crow may not be my hero, but she's belted out some pretty profound truths over the years in that gritty, rocker chick voice of hers.

"Every day is a winding road...I get a little bit closer to feeling fine" just happens to be part of the soundtrack to my favorite movie of all time.  (Erin Brockovich is the movie, in case just a teeny-tiny part of you was curious about that.)

And back when I was a teenager and borrowing my future husband's truck after blowing up the engine in my little Toyota Supra, I remember being introduced to Sheryl Crow's self-titled album and this catchy song called "If it makes you happy".  That tune and those words have stuck with me all these years.  "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad...if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

I never did understand the reference to "playing for mosquitoes" but I'll just give her some artistic liberty with those lyrics. Or maybe I've misunderstood those third verse lyrics all these years.

And yes, I am going to make a point eventually.  Just stick with me, grasshopper.

I used to think that I need to explain and validate the things that I chose to do to feel that little spark of alive-ness that we all need in our daily life.

You know the one that I'm taking about?  That little bit of joy we feel from the simple things in life.  It might not make sense to anyone else, but to you, it's part of what gets you through your days. Those little interests and passions are what makes you uniquely you. I like to think it is a spark put there by the Divine.

It is probably akin to the concept of surrounding yourself with beauty.  I guess I spent a lot of years feeling like all of that stuff was frivolous.  I was raised to be very practical and down-to-earth and surrounding myself with beautiful things was not something I was taught.  So I guess I'm having to be my own teacher these days.

I'm starting to learn to be unapologetic for taking those little moments to feel happy about something that might be considered stupid or inconsequential to someone else.  And to give myself permission to be "frivolous" and "childish" in my joy.

I don't know if other people out there struggle with this, but I just wanted to give you your permission slip to gather around yourself those things that make you feel something good.

Maybe for you it is watching the steam curl off of your cup of coffee in the morning.  Or buying yourself a cozy blanket that makes you feel happy and safe when you curl up in it.  Maybe it is taking the time to create a card for a friend because feeling that inspiration gives you joy, even if you could buy a card for less money and spend less time on it.

I understand that happiness and joy aren't about "things", it is about what is going on inside and the deeper threads of peace and contentment that we can learn to have in our inner world.  But I feel like these exterior things are part of that package, at least for me.

In that spirit, I thought I would share with you a few things that make me feel happy...

Beautiful and inspiring and somewhat whimsical things, like this mug.  Or my fairy angel that I bought from the bar owner in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. She used to hang on the wall behind a toilet in the bar and now she sits on my kitchen windowsill.

And then there are always books.  When I curl up in my reading chair with a great book and my navy blue snowflake blanket, I feel such a peacefulness in my soul.

This is an amazing book of quotes that I would recommend to anyone.


Another thing that sparks my joy is taking pictures of nature.  I'm not sure when this became a hobby but I have rarely felt such pure abandon in the last 5 years as when I am capturing the beauty of nature.

I find it hard to explain how liberating it has been for me to give myself permission to pursue and enjoy these little things in life that inspire me.  But I wanted to try to write about this today and I hope you can connect with the feeling and maybe it can encourage you to pursue those things as well. 

Joyful people inspire others.  Be one of those people.

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