Camping Weekend

This past weekend we did our first (local) camping trip of the season. 

It is already past the middle of July and we are breaking out the camping trailer for the first time.

That is practically a crime!!

And a testament to our very busy summer.  Dang!!

We decided to take the kids to the fair and watch a truck and tractor pull on Friday night, since the campground we were staying at was only 15 or 20 minutes from the fair.

Had I known it was going to cost a total of $44.00 for our family to see the truck and tractor pull, plus approximately $11.00 spent on very over-priced fair food...I probably would have said "Let's not go."

Although, on second thought, I paid $6 for some nachoes that were pretty dang awesome, so maybe it was worth it.

One of the trucks that did the truck pull

A blurry picture of a tractor pulling the weight (notice the BLACK smoke and wheels off of the ground) Jeremy said "Take that, Al Gore" when he saw that black smoke.  Ha, ha.

Sitting in the stands waiting for the truck pull to start

Awww...This is one of those awkward (take the picture yourself) photos

"Hey, Mom, look!  It's a bonnet."  (Actually, it is her sweatshirt wrapped around her head)

My summary of the truck and tractor pull:

15 minutes of action crammed into 2 1/2 hours of time = Boring.

But that's just me.

Raw power doesn't do that much for me.

Nikki and I did walk down to the animal barns while Jeremy and the boys were waiting for the truck pull to start.

Did you know that I grew up on a pig farm? 

I felt like having a picture of Nikki touching a pig was in order. See how she's only using a finger or two to touch it?

Baby goats.

We walked through stinky barns and saw lots of cows and horses and goats and pigs and sheep.  We tried not to get crap on our flip-flops.

And that was that.

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Saturday morning we had a yummy breakfast and then were sitting around at the campground trying to decide what to do.  It was a delicious kind of boring.

Anyway, I found that there is this place called "Pioneer Village" that has lots of buildings and items from the late 1800's and early 1900's.  I am not even sure I knew this existed, and it is only an hour from our place.

I tried to get the kids excited about going with me.  It worked!

They all decided to go with me while Jeremy went and did some shopping.

This era of history is probably the most fascinating to me.

Derrick was bored and said he wished he wouldn't have come...Kendall and Nikki kept on touching everything that they weren't supposed to be touching...and I was the cheerful tour guide saying in an excited voice "Look at this, kids!!! Isn't that cool?"  The thing was, I was sincere.

There was this big building with showcase after showcase of old thing in them. Kind of by categories.

Nikki wanted to have her picture taken with this fake dude. I think he is an old-time trapper.

Inside of one of the old houses. The simplicity of their way of life was astounding to me.

An old church.  So pretty.

A chair made out of a stump.

The only picture of me from the weekend.  Only because an old man offered to take a picture of "me with my family."  Problem was, he did not know how to run a cell phone camera.  That made things a bit interesting.

We are posing here in front of the "Post Office".

They also had a dentists's office, a blacksmith, a doctor's office, a school (super interesting), a printing shop, a general store, and many other buildings.

I think the kids had the most fun in their cool little gift shop.  Nikki loved trying on the bonnets, etc.  They had so many cool, hand-made, old things in that gift shop. I was intrigued.

So cute...

Kendall holding up some furs.

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The rest of the weekend we were at the campground, except for an evening run into the nearest town to get some DQ. Yum-my!!

Swimming fun.  Our campsite was right by the pool, so that was handy.

The boys each posing with their Dad.

Nikki playing "Duck, Duck, Goose" on the jumping pillow. The kids almost always make new friends when we go camping.  Jeremy said he watched Nikki at the pool, just talking with random strangers and he thought to himself "I bet that's how Audrey was when she was young!" 

The kids all brought their bikes and the boys brought their roller blades too.  They had a lot of fun zipping around the paved paths.

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And that's a wrap.  Hope you enjoyed getting a glimpse of our recent activies.

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Branded

Maybe you happen to recall the story in the Gospel of John about the man who was born blind.

Its one of the many miracles that Jesus performed during his time here on earth.

But like all of Jesus' miracles, then and now, there is something profoundly special about it.

I was reading this story a week or two ago and something struck me as never before.

What does Jesus say at the beginning of the story when the disciples asked Him "who had sinned that this man was born blind?"

He answers "NO ONE sinned.  But this man was born blind that MY glory might be revealed in Him."  Truth spoken from the mouth of the Son of God.

But, as you read through the story and get to the end of it...where the man (born blind) had been healed and had now been called in to talk with the religious leaders (for a second time)...you see how people's truths about us can differ from God's truth.

As the man testifies as to what Jesus had done for him, and even begins to get a bit frustrated and challenge the religious leaders, what accusation do they throw at him?

With derision in their voices, they cry "Oh, what do you know? You were steeped in sin from your birth!!!"

Ouch.  Burn.

Jesus' truth:  This man was born blind so that HIS glory could be revealed in him.

Other's truth:  You sinned, or you parents sinned, and that is why you were born blind.


Which will the blind man believe?

Do you think that the next time somebody asked him to testify about what Jesus had done, he did so with a little more hesitation?  A little fear of someone throwing his past in his face?  Do you think a little part of him was swayed by people's perception of him?

I hope not.  We will never know.

But I realized as I read this story...its an age old struggle.  The decision whether to believe God's truth about us or to buy into the labels that the devil and other people want to brand upon us.


Alcoholic

Liar

Insecure

Always strong -- If I show weakness...how will those around me respond?

Sexually abused

Never good enough -- Always falling short of expectation

Sizzle.  Burn.

The hiss of the serpents lies may as well be the hiss of a branding iron.

It cuts straight to the heart.  It leaves a mark on our souls.


Unwanted and unlovable.

Cheater -- Branded with the scarlet letter.

The good girl -- Its not OK to admit your struggles

Always poor.

Divorced.

Sizzle.  Burn.


I remember the day that I was driving alone and God spoke to me.  It wasn't an audible voice, but it may as well have been, for all of the clarity and force with which it hit me.

I was struggling to forgive myself.  Others were struggling too. Maybe more so.

I felt like I needed to hold on to the unforgiveness.  To make myself pay for wrongs committed.

Jesus spoke to me through the fog of my self-doubt and self-beration and said this "When you don't accept my forgiveness, you are hurting me.  Deeply.  You are saying that what I did on the cross might be enough for others and their sins, but it isn't enough for yours.  You hurt me when you don't accept my grace and forgiveness as sufficient for YOU."

It was a turning point for me.  Realizing that my rejection of God's provision was like a slap in His face.

Does that mean that the struggle was over? 

Definitely not.

I've had to claim and re-claim that truth over the years.

But, honestly, where I find myself still struggling the most is when it comes to other people.

It reminds me of that old Colin Raye (country) song that says "Jesus will forgive...but a Daddy don't forget."

People don't forget.

They brand you.

Sizzle. Hiss.  Burn.

Way too often, we define others by their past.  Maybe even adding that tid-bit to a conversation about a person that others are just getting to know.

"Well, you know...she IS on her second marriage."  Or "Yeah, she's always struggled with insecurity...more than most."

We want to share our stories, but they are shrouded in shame and guilt.  Its hard to see through the fog of other's perceptions and our own insecurities to be able to live openly and with truthfulness. 

What if people think differently of me?

What if I am branded for life?

Is it OK that I am broken and have holes in my soul?  Can you still accept me?

When I struggle with these questions, I wonder how far I have to yet go in understanding the forgiveness of God??  People's opinions of me aren't what matter.  But that doesn't mean that I am super human.

That I'm not hurt by the references to the past or the fleeting look in the eyes of a friend who now thinks less of me, try as the might to hide it.

God's grace COVERS.

Covers.

All.

Who knows what His purpose was for allowing the story of our past?

Chances are, it is to bring glory to Him.  Some way.  Somehow.  Even though I don't understand it.  Through our brokenness and our willingness to share our story, His spirit can move.

Do I claim His truth?

Or do I allow the lies of the serpent and the hiss of his branding iron to sear my soul forever? 

As I am realizing about a lot of things in life:

It is a choice.  My choice. 

And yours.

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Thanksgiving -- It IS a choice!

I have been in a funk lately.

I know that this is not the first time I have blogged about this, but I think that when you are normally a cheerful and optimistic person like I am, being in a funk feels kind of unsettling.

I told Jeremy that I "just don't feel like myself."

He helped out a lot by asking me "So, who DO you feel like?"  Ha, ha.

Sometimes I think I am a tough chick who can kind of deal with the stresses of life and can work through things that are bothering me in a healthy way, but then it seems like eventually my body catches up with whatever is going on in my mind and I find myself just feeling "blah" and drained.

Jeremy and I were talking about this the other night and I asked him what he thinks the secret is to getting out of a funk.

He said that for himself, he needs to slow down enough to consciously count his blessings and be intentional in being thankful.

I thought that was really good advice.

The next day I wrote this in my journal...

"I have been in a funk lately and I am not sure why.  I feel like my life is one huge cycle of cooking and cleaning and breaking up fights, etc.  I feel like I have lost the joy somewhere along the way and I am not exactly sure how to get it back.  What is the secret?  Thankfulness?  But how do you let thankfulness really sink into your soul and adjust your attitude?"

I think that is the million dollar question.

I decided to keep a list, just for that day, of things that I can choose to be thankful for.

Without any serious brain wracking, I came up with a list of 40 things that I could be thankful for...just on that day.

I prayed about it.  I felt my soul being to breathe a little more.  I felt a tiny bit of hope and like my life was more delight than drudgery.  But it didn't really take away the over-all feeling that I have been experiencing for the past 2 weeks.

I try to remember that "Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle" (something that I have learned by way of Ann Voskamp's "1000 Gifts" book).  This has proven to be true in my life again and again.

Choosing to be thankful (and it IS a choice) brings about change.  More often than not, the change is internal, not external.

I just realized (as I was writing this post) that after I had been intentional and done this list the other day and prayed about the funk I have been in...

...yesterday I got some clarity (through a series of events) as to why I have been feeling this way.  And that is huge for me.

It doesn't solve the issue(s) I am dealing with, but at least I can put a finger on what it is that is draining me and making me feel in a funk and I can proceed from there...with more prayers and more thanksgiving and with talking it through.

Just when I was thinking that God was kind of leaving me hanging and not helping me to figure out what was going on in my heart...He reveals Himself in a way that I didn't expect.

When will I learn to quit looking for God to show Himself within the box that I expected to see Him in and start asking Him to just open my eyes to see Him in whatever way He chooses to reveal Himself??

I feel better today.

He never promised that life would be easy...He only promised that He would give us strength for the day and grace to make it through.

And that is ALWAYS enough.

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More Small Talk & Why I Love to Garage Sale

Since I wrote that post about small talk, I have been thinking and re-thinking the subject.

A lot.

As I have interacted with people in the past couple of days, I thought about whether my interactions and my level of enjoyment in the small talk was in agreement with what I blogged about.

And I feel like I need to make a correction:

I don't hate small talk.

I hate small talk with certain people. And also with people who I should have long moved on to something else with.

There. Now I got that clarification down on paper.

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This morning the kids and I headed out to hit a few garage sales.

I love to garage sale!! (Understatement alert)

It is one of the simple pleasures of my life.

I think part of it is because you never know what you might find and it is always so cool to get something you really wanted for a cheap price.  Knowing that amount of money that you WOULD have spent on something...ah, its like a breath of fresh air.

OK, before I get all poetic, let me show you a little more about WHY I like to garage sale.

The kids and I went to 5 garage sales today.  Honestly, the others were a bust.

Other than Kendall being given a "Sorry" game by a lady, me buying 2 books for Derrick, getting a softball and an old Scrabble game, we hadn't had much luck.

Then...we hit the 5th and final sale.

And then we scored.  Big time.

First of all, I have been looking for a good pair of Rollerblades.

Wah-la!!

For a dollar. Yeah, you heard me right.  A dollar.

We also got....

A bunch of winter hats and gloves

A butterfly wall hanger thingy for Nikki's room

An air popper and some Tupperware containers

4 tops for me and a pair of yoga pants and flannel pj pants (one of the tops didn't end up fitting me)

A hat that needed its own picture, because it is supposed to look like a chicken. Guess which kid picked this out?

A dress and a sweatshirt for Nikki

Sunglasses for Nicole and one of those annoying little Zhu Zhu pet guys

This Tinkerbell kitchen with that whole box of accessories

And, my happiest find of the day, "The Little Engine That Could" book.  Full version.

I LOVE to find books that I had as a kid and read them to my kids.

Love, love it!

Remember that part that they kept repeating in the book about how, if they couldn't find an engine, then "all of the good little boys and girls on the other side of the mountain wouldn't have any toys to play with or good food to eat?"

Also found this book with all kinds of Mother Goose rhymes in it.

And here's the thing:  Guess how much I paid for ALL of that ^^^^^

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

$28

Yup.  I was pretty darn happy about that!

I also saw these really cool things for your yard or garden made out of old cups and saucers, etc. I thought they were super creative.

I didn't buy any though.

And, I almost bought this book (published in 1981) that had all kind of patterns of things to make for your baby to wear.

It was SOOO early '80's stuff that I just had to take some pictures. 

Pretty interesting how styles change, isn't it?

And WHEN did those Mother's have to time to crochet all that stuff?

Anyway, after that I went to Wal-mart and spent $115 on basically nothing that will last more than a week. (Food, mostly)

Kind of makes me pissy.

Maybe the garage sale finds can balance out the Wal-mart trip.

Not that I would want to eat books and Rollerblades and winter hats...but still!

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Small Talk

As I was sitting at my desk at work today listening to one of the guys I work with make a phone call and start off with "Hey, have you done any fishing lately?" even though I knew he was calling to talk to the guy about a past due bill, I got to thinking (again) about small talk.

Have you ever thought about how much our society runs on small talk?

You run into someone in the grocery store and you stop for a minute and say

"So, what have you been up to lately?" and they respond with "Oh, not too much.  How about you?" and it goes from there.

I understand that small talk is a necessary lubricant in the gears of society, but I pretty much consider it to be a necessary evil.

Why do you think it is called "small" talk?  Because it is largely unimportant.

It is even defined as " an informal type of discourse that does not cover any functional topics of conversation or any transactions that need to be addressed".

My point exactly.

                  

I have been known to hide from people in Wal-Mart by ducking into the next aisle or hoping they don't recognize me from the back.

Dying my hair every few years helps with this, I think! ;-)

I don't like after church chatter.  For some reason, that one seems especially bad. Maybe because it is lunch time and you just want to get your high heels and Sunday clothing off and get home and relax.

That said...we ALL engage in small talk on, most likely, a daily basis.

And if you start to think about how relationships would function without small talk, you realize that things could get AWK-WARD really quick.

For one thing, silences are generally not comfortable to most humans.  Particularly when you are with people who are just acquaintances or who you have just met.

                                     

Besides, you can learn quite a bit about someone from just doing small talk.  You get a feel for how they interact, you might find out where they live or what they do for a job or get a glimple into how they view life.

Just last night, I attended a "Thirty-One" bag party (bought my first bag, by the way. I figured you would be proud, Di Miller!) and I sat across a table from a woman who I had never spoken to before, as far as I know.

And we made small talk.

Because that's what you do.

I found out a number of things about her and formed a small impression of what she might be like.  And I'm sure she did the same of me. 

But, here's where I tend to veer off course.  Maybe.

Since I don't really like small talk, and I tend to want to go deep with conversation (pretty much always, if I sense the inkling of a chance for it), I will often ask questions that might seem too personal for some people.  I don't do this on purpose, I just do it.

Because that is who I am.

I sort of figure that if someone is put off by my somewhat personal question within our first 5 or 10 minutes of interaction, then they probably aren't going to like my style long term anyway and we can just get that out of the way from the beginning.

A good friend of mine, who is also a hater of small talk, told me recently that her way of getting to know someone is to ply them with questions, just like I tend to do.  But, she told me that once she went out for lunch with a friend and many months later, that friend told her that she was kind of freaked out because she felt like my friend was prying because of all of the questions she was asking.  And here she was just being genuinely interested and displaying that in the only way she knew how.

Thus we wade into the murky waters of building relationships.  Intentions being mis-read...vibes being given and taken...lots of room for error.  But, oh the possiblities as well!!!

Last night, my personal-question-asking tendencies played out by this new acquaintance of mine talking about how she had grown up in our small town, she has a lot of relatives here, and how everybody seems to know her family.

And then I said "So does that bother you?  That people seem to have you labeled because of your family?"

Now that I think back, her eyes might have widened a bit in shock at the straight forward question, but she handled it well and answered with ease.


You see...here's what I have learned. (Wow! Don't I sound like some teacher imparting wisdom. Ha, ha, ha!)

Not everyone is going to like me.  I am not going to like everyone else.  I won't connect with everyone.

The more genuine I am to myself and who I really am when I meet someone and the more I just do/say what comes naturally instead of over-thinking or trying to decide what the other person might like or not like, the quicker we can either part ways or become friends.

Does anyone else know what I mean by this?

Jeremy says that sometimes I may come across as too intense and that people could be scared off/intimidated by that or could mis-read it.  But I really don't know how else to be. 

I've just have found that those people who you can never get past small talk with...you're never GOING to get past small talk with.

About 3 years ago I had a long and intense discussion with a close friend of mine about this. I had been with her to the grocery store and witnessed her chatting it up with someone from her church.  To me, the conversation was completely meaningless and boring and I could have not stood and talked about camping and who is doing what and all of that for nearly as long as she did.

After the other lady walked away, my friend and I got to talking about small talk.

Turns out, she loves it.

She thinks it is a great way to connect with people. She says she is very interested in the surface-y details of their lives.  She also told me that this is how she interacts with many people in her life and she is completely fine with that.  She doesn't have a lot of close and personal friends.

This sort of blew my small human mind.

So I launched into my expose about how "if that is what your friendship is like, it will probably never go deep and how I choose to spend my time on friendships that have more potential," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Then she told me that was selfish of me.

Well, at least she and I were gettin' past the small talk!!

I maintained that I don't see what purpose these small talk kind of relationships serve.  And she maintained that they were very important in her life.

I get the part about making "small talk" when you are getting to know someone, as a way to possibly lead into a deeper friendship.  Don't get me wrong. I do it a lot.  And sometimes I even enjoy it quite a bit, depending on the topic.  Plus, I love meeting new people and making new friends!

But when I sense that is all it is ever going to be, I tend to move along. I figure the other person probably feels the same way about it and is glad for me to move on as well, so that we can both find someone else who we connect better with.

Anyway, that conversation with my friend made me think a lot.  Our different philosophies about all of this was intrigueing. And almost 3 years later I still remember the conversation with startling clarity.

I bet if we had talked about the weather or the latest movie we had seen, I wouldn't remember that conversation one bit.

I rest my case.

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An Eye for Beauty?

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to start doing a walk/run in the early mornings.  I knew I needed to add more exercise as part of my life, and after a conversation with a friend of mine, who is an avid runner, I felt myself getting motivated to try it again.

The mornings are SO gorgeous right now. Warm, but usually with a hint of a chill.  The sun is usually up, but not fully, when I leave the house. 

I take along my phone and earphones and I listen to sermons or music or podcasts during my walk/run. (I put the / in between there because I run part of the time and walk when I get too tired!)

Ready to leave one morning...

Anyway, as I would run, I started to look for pretty things to take pictures of.  I have my phone with me anyway, so stopping to snap a picture with Instragram doesn't take too long.  I became a hunter of beauty...scouring the ditches for pretty flowers, mostly.

I think that this is a wild morning glory.

There are lots of these bee balms blooming right now.

I'm not sure what kind these are? Maybe someone else knows.  But they are a rich yellow color and kind of remind me of a big buttercup.

We have lots and lots of wild raspberries that are ready for picking right now.

There are only so many flowers to photograph and I am not a good photographer by any stretch of the imagination, so I started looking around a little more, beyond the ditches to the trees and the sky.

One morning, it was foggy and the sun was shrouded in fog that it hadn't yet burned off.  As I ran towards it, I was struck by the beauty.

I decided to snap a few pictures and I was totally delighted with the result.

The funny part is, I took these pictures in full color and didn't make them black and white or sepia. I guess that this is just how the camera captured them in that lighting.  (This is part of the dirt road that we live along...where I do my walk/run.)

Just a closer up of the bird house.  I thought it looked really beautiful.

This was yesterday morning.  That little white speck in the middle of the picture is the remains of the moon that was still visible.

Our dog Stuey waits by the front door for me now and excitedly gets up and heads out with me on my walk.  It didn't take him long to learn my routine.  (you can see him up ahead on this picture -- Just a brown dot)

A grove of birch trees.  I always think that their white trunks are so pretty. Especially when there is a group of them together.

So yesterday I had snapped a few of these pictures and I got to thinking about what defines beauty?  I could say that I am a "seeker of beauty" in these walks...that I am looking for pretty things that catch my eye to photograph and share with others.

And that is good.

But who says what is beautiful and what is not?

There is a deeper something at work here. Because don't we all live our lives that way to a certain extent?

We want to categorize things as beautiful or ugly.  (Even in nature)

Even in people.

We call things good or bad that God brings into our lives.

We turn ourselves in judgers who decide whether something is beautiful and good or not.

I know that God placed within us that desire for beauty.  The appreciation of things that are lovely. So it can't be a bad thing.

But, like everything else in this world, the devil loves to use things that God placed within us for good to his evil advantage.

If he can distort our love of beauty into us categorizing things are "beautiful" or "ugly" and as "good" or "bad", even though we know that God is all good and doesn't bring anything ugly or bad into our lives, then the devil can catch us in the trap of discounting and maybe even resenting any of the so-called ugliness that comes into our lives.

You have a relationship difficulty to work through?  Ugly.

A child who is going through a rough time?  Bad.

An illness of a loved one?  Wrong.

And while I am not saying that any of these things are fun or that we should/would wish these things upon ourselves or anyone else, there is a beauty that comes from these "ashes" if we allow our hearts to be thankful and if we acknowledge God even in difficulties. 

I cannot completely describe the span of my thoughts on this.  I feel like this is something I am just learning about and that there would be so much more to write if I could get it down in a way that made sense.

It feels a little suffocated inside of me right now and maybe its because I am just trying to process this all myself. It is a big subject. 

But I think within it lies a secret that I want to get to the bottom of.

So...I took a couple of pictures of things that I wouldn't have normally photographed.

Because I would categorize them as more ugly than beautiful.

Shriveled up and dying daisies.

Clover that is mostly dried up and brown.

My shadow in the morning sunlight...in which I look shapeless and somewhat large!

I guess part of my challenge to myself is to take the second glance.  To look beneath the surface of what appears to be ugly and see the hand of God in it.  To choose to open my mind and my heart.  To even be thankful for that which appears to be less than beautiful.

And we're not just talking about flowers here.

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