5 Minute Friday {Expectations}

I am linking up with Gypsy Mama again today and taking part in her "5 Minute Friday".

The challenge is to write about an assigned subject for 5 minutes...no more.  No editing and no over-thinking...just writing.

So, here goes.

GO

I can't remember for sure where it was that I first read the phrase "Expectations ruin relationships."  I remember that it really struck me and resonated with me, because I had seen it happen in my own life. 

Especially in my marriage.

I remember many weekend get-a-ways with Jeremy that were ruined by my (unreasonably high) expectations about how things would go.

What?  He didn't open the door for me?  What?  He didn't ask my opinion about which gas station to stop at?  What?  He didn't gaze at me adoringly over dinner?

I would turn what could have been a perfect weekend with two less-than-perfect people into one disappointment after another.

Over time, I learned to lower my expectations.

There is something wonderful that happens when we lower expectations. 

We put ourselves in a position to be pleasantly surprised. 


I would end up reading it again in Ann Voskamp's "1000 Gifts".  She says that "Expectations kill relationships" and I high-lighted it in yellow.  She talks about how a small child is delighted and surprised by everything.  She talks about how expectations in our relationship with God can kill that relationship.

If we think God has to do things a certain way or respond a certain way in situations or always do things the way that we had expected, we set ourselves up for feeling a lot of anger and injustice.

But if we have the attitude of "a little child" as the Bible talks about...think of the wonder that they experience and the way that they look at every little thing as a gift.  Not analyzing or figuring out if it is good or not...they just are amazed.  Easily.

I still have always had this nagging question though.

Is it not good to have SOME sort of expectation in relationships?  Whether with girlfriends or with my husband?  Is it OK to just let someone run over you?  Is it right to just be all like "Well, whatever they do or don't do is fine with me?"

Something about that doesn't seem right.

Just yesterday, I read something in a book that I randomly picked up.  I had forgotten that I had even bought it.  It was about marriage.

In there, he made the differentiation that I have been looking for.  He said that it is ok to have "value expectations" in a relationship.

As in...I need to be treated with respect.  With kindness.  With love.

But it is not OK to have behavior expectations. 

He will wash the dishes every night.
He will earn at least $100,000 a year.
He will always notice when I am feeling sad.
He will always remember our anniversary.

Something about that really made sense to me.

I want to learn to be a friend and spouse who lowers my expectations of others so that I am not the one to blame for killing a relationship that could have been something great.

STOP

(I totally went over my time.  That was more like 8 minutes.  So sue me!  I had more to say and I guess I couldn't type quite fast enough today!)

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