{Questioning the Means to the End}

Looking at this picture, I have no clue why we were hesitant to buy Kendall a gun.

Do you?  (ha, ha)

You know how sometimes you try the same things over and over with your strong willed child and it seems to be to no avail?

Things like patience and kindness and love.

And, then, one day your son comes home from school with homework.

Immediately, he starts in to the same old pattern.  Whining. Fussing. Crying.

He's 8. Ok. Let's not forget that small fact.  He's not 2 any more.

There are other ways to communicate.

So I said to him, calmly but firmly.  "Listen. You need to stop crying and whining. I will help you. But you need to talk in a regular voice."

His teacher had recently confirmed that he NEVER cries about his work at school.  So I know he is capable of doing homework without tears.

After a few exchanges back and forth, I said "You need to stop using that voice" and then he said "Well, then you need to stop using that voice." 

He says its my yelling voice.  Really, it is just me being stern and talking in a moderate but firm voice.

I said "Ok, you stop whining and crying and talk in your regular voice and I'll do the same."

We attempted to proceed.

But there was just more crying and fussing.

So I yelled loudly (actually yelled) at him "GET YOUR WORK DONE!" 

He looked at me with surprise and the corner of his mouth turned up in a twitchy smile.

He knew what was going on.  He was whining so I was really and truly yelling.

But, he couldn't quite decide to find it funny.

After all. Mom had yelled.  How dare she???

He said something else whiny and I yelled (yes, really yelled) again. 

"I DON'T CARE. JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK!"

This time, his face turned into a pout and he stormed off to his room and slammed the door.

Repeatedly.

I wondered if I had just made a parenting error.  Maybe had a lapse in judgement.

Because I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right.  Usually, at least.

But...we have had this homework (crying, whining) issue for quite some time and frankly, I was just pretty fed up with it.

I was ready to try something different.

Guess what?  After about 10 minutes he came out of his room.

His math homework was done.

He was part way finished with his other homework sheet and this time, when he asked for help from me, he used a reasonable and normal tone of voice.

And so did I.

The homework was finished within 10 minutes after his re-appearance and the rest of the day continued on without any further ado.

If you were appalled while reading this, then I would be interested in hearing a better solution.

Did I cross the line?  Does the fact that I got my message across justify the means by which I did it?

I'm not sure.

But the homework did get done. The attitude did change.

I'm just left wondering if it was all OK.

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