RWOTD {Lesson}

A Lesson I Never Forgot


Once upon a time, back before the days of cell phones and texting, there lived a teenage girl.

Now, this teenage girl had a tendency to like boys.  Quite a lot.

In fact, sometimes, spending time with boys was preferable to spending time with girls. 

There was, as is often the case, a certain boy that this girl had a small(ish) crush on.  He was a little older and quite handsome and the girl wondered if he even noticed her. 

But, sometimes they would hang out and talk and the girl would enjoy that very much.

One night, a group of friends, including this boy and girl, went to a local fast food restaurant and hung out for a while, chatting and having a good time.

Lo and behold, ten o'clock rolled around and the only people who remained, standing there talking in the parking lot, were this boy and this girl.

It was a cool evening, so the boy suggested they hop into his truck to chat.  This seemed like a good sign to the girl, so she agreed.

(Maybe you think you know where this is going, but you don't.  Believe me.)

That sat and chatted in the warmth of the truck cab for what seemed like a half hour, but in reality, the time was getting later and later and no one really saw any reason to leave a great conversation.

It may or may not have been around one in the morning, when, in the midst of a great discussion, the girl noticed a vehicle pulling up beside the truck she was sitting in.

Not thinking much of it at first glance, she soon realized, to her horror, that the vehicle that had pulled up belonged to her Dad.  And that now he was at her passenger's side window, requesting an audience with the teenage girl.

It seems as though the Dad had been waiting up for his teenage daughter to come home.  As the time got later and later and he couldn't sleep, he decided to get in his car and take a little drive.

It wasn't hard to find her, since she was still in the parking lot of the restaurant where he knew she had been earlier.

But, oh how the girl was mortally embarrassed!! To be tracked down by your Dad and told to "Get home immediately" while in the presence of a boy whom she liked very much.  Now that was humiliating.

Although I can tell you this.  It was a lesson she never forgot.  And she never stayed out in trucks with boys past mid-night again. 

At least not without first letting her Dad know where she was.


**Names have been changed to protect privacy.  Although some sisters or sister-in-laws of "the boy" may read my blog and put two and two together! 

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What? You own that shirt too?

Has this ever happened to you?

You buy a shirt somewhere.

Probably because you think it is cute and it is also cheap.

You wear said shirt numerous times.

All of a sudden, one day you spot someone else around town...wearing YOUR shirt!

Maybe they choose a less than appealing combination to wear it with.  Maybe the shirt is a bit tight on them and doesn't look that flattering.

Whatever the reason, all of a sudden, you aren't quite so crazy about that shirt anymore.  It just doesn't seem unique or special or quite so "me" when I see other people wearing it.

This has happened to me three times lately.

Following is an exhibit of the shirts that are now in my personal shirt graveyard...to be worn only at home.

Or on days when I am feeling like I just don't care.

Note to self: Don't buy shirts at Wal-Mart.

This one is from Old Navy, but I think I got it at a garage sale. This was the most recent spotting...just the other day at our local gas station, I saw a women getting milk out of the coolers...wearing MY shirt.

From Maurice's.  On clearance. Apparently, I was not the only person who couldn't pass up $5.00 for a sorta-cute shirt.

But then, sometimes I am the one who likes someone else's shirt and wants one for myself.

As happened this past weekend with my friend Stephanie.

She was wearing this super cute, flattering shirt that she got at Kohl's.

We ended up getting some time to go to Kohl's and I picked one up.  Even in the same color she had.

She seemed fine with it and even encouraged me to get one.

No, we don't live in the same community, but I do apologize to her in advance if seeing this picture of me in "her" shirt ruins it for her!

In the meantime...I've worn it twice this week! That's how much I love it!

That is, until I see someone in my hometown wearing it!

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Now That's Awkward...

Arguing vehemently with our friend Mike that such a thing as "Chicken Taco Seasoning" does not exist (ha, ha, Mike, you have no idea what you are talking about) and then going to the store and seeing it plain as day, right there on the shelf.  Turns out...crow STILL doesn't taste that good.

...Delivering firewood at Kwik Trip and seeing some money laying on the windowsill. It was 7 cents. At the same time I was about to say "No, Nikki, leave it there, we won't take anything that is not ours", Jeremy says "Go ahead, Nikki. You can have it.  Finders, keepers."

Seriously, dude?  I have been telling them for years not to take anything that isn't theirs. I told Jeremy this, but guess what?  The 7 cents still came home in Nikki's pocket. 

And then she left it in her pants and it ended up in the laundry. And now it is in our change jar.

Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers. 

...Sitting in the chair with Nikki and hearing her say "Hey, move your gluteus maximus!"  In perfect pronunciation. 

Apparently, her aunts in Ohio have been teaching her a bit about body parts.  Since I laughed the first time, she may or may not have said the phrase "gluteus maximus" approximately 30 times in the past 5 days!

...Hey, I made up a little rhyme for you.  (There's a little awkwardness for you!)

It goes like this:

This is my swimsuit...

This is me...

The two of us together,

You shall never see.

Ha, ha.

Now for the story.  Apparently, some random visitors from Pennsylvania who stopped in unexpectedly at our house about a week ago, DID get to see my in my swimsuit.

In our shop.  Trying to put air into a tube for the pool.  All kinds of awkward bending.

I had no idea they were sitting in our driveway watching me.

The best part (oh, yeah, wait for it...)

Them seeing me...

In my swimsuit...

Trying to run the air compressor...

Pulling the release valve by mistake...

Jumping like crazy when it made a super loud hissing noise...

And then high kicking it back into place with my right foot.

Wow!!  That's all I have to say.  Wow!!

Next time...maybe call first, people! Because I bet your nightmares of that scene are haunting you still.

...The fact that multiple times a day I hear this coming from my children's mouths:

"I like big Bibles and I cannot lie...

You Christian brothers can't deny..."

Yup...its the song "Baby Got Book"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI-xlbDzVbQ

Thanks again to the Ohio Aunts for this one! ;-)

Ok. It is pretty funny. You should watch it.

...The fact that Nikki wears this dress almost continuously.  To the point that my friends are starting to question whether or not I ever do laundry.

...Assuming (outloud. In question form) that an older man and older woman who were both at our church on a particular Sunday were married.  Wow! That was all kinds of awkward.

...The fact that I use my sports bra as an I-phone holder when I do my walk/run.  (Sorry. No picture!)

And to make it worse, I have taken to putting the phone into a plastic bag so I don't get it wet when I run in this humid weather.

Seriously.  I have no idea how many levels of redneck this makes me.

...Speaking of running...This is along my route.

Can you guess what it might be?

I thought it was a pile of straw that fell off of the wagon or tractor on the way to the neighbor's farm.

Upon closer inspection, I realized that straw does not have feet.

Or bones.

GROSS!!

Poor Mr. Porcupine.

May he rest in peace.

...Me stopping a lady in the grocery store (Never mind her crying baby...I had something important to say)  to tell her how much I Loved her July 4th outfit.

She had on the CUTEST navy and white dress with red accessories. (Shoes, sunglasses, earrings)

I am now super obsessed with that dress.

She told me she got it from Target but I am afraid she either lied (doubtful) or got it last year, because I just searched the Target website and didn't find it.  Dang!!

Anyway...Happy 4th of July to you!!

May your day be full of freedom and fun!

And no awkwardness.

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Now That's Awkward...

I feel like I have had a less than stellar start to my "summer of blogging", but we have been driving (a lot -- think 45 hours of driving between our two recent trips) and have been gone for home a lot.  And then...there was the week in there that we didn't have any kids, since they were at their Grandparents in Ohio.

I realized a couple of things while they were gone:

Wow!  Kids are messy and we, the parents, are so NOT messy.

Wow!  Our house is SO quiet and kind of boring without our kids.

Blogging was pretty much the last thing I felt like doing in my "free" time.

Big realization:  The kids are NOT the reason that I have a distracted mind. It is a completely internal issue.

Anyway, there was less awkwardness to write about with the kids gone, but I have still been able to compile a little list.  Just everyday stuff that I find funny.  And often, in my world, awkward = funny!

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While traveling home from Ohio, we stopped at one of those interstate plaza places. I went inside to use the bathroom and get something snacky.  When the cashier rang up my stuff, it came to $2.02.  So...she said "That will be two dollars and two cents." 

I knew I was being corny, but I couldn't stop myself. I laid my 2 dollar bills on the counter and then I dug two pennies out of my purse and plunked them down and then said "There's MY two cents."

I am even a self-proclaimed hater of puns, yet I totally did the "two cents" joke. Thankfully, she caught on and laughed along with me.  I don't know why that was fun for me. But it could have something to do with me often wanting to say somewhat awkward things to cashiers or make stupid jokes but I am afraid of looking like a complete idiot, so I usually keep it to myself. Maybe I was just proud of myself that I had the nerve to follow through and that it ended relatively well.

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I was picking strawberries out in our little garden while the kids were gone.  I had my phone with me. Don't ask why? I was probably in the midst of a texting marathon of some sort and didn't want to miss the upcoming response.  Anyway, I found this little guy and snapped a picture of him to text to my kids. Turns out...they never even got the text.

But I got the chance to hold a toad and whose day wouldn't that make?

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The picture I took of my black and blue fingers.  The result of a fast moving ball that I caught in the wrong part of my glove at softball practice.  Thankfully, it healed up pretty quickly and the swelling went down and my fingers have returned to their normal color.

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The hotel we stayed at in Portage, IN.  It was all.kinds.of.awkward.and.wrong.

We have driven till 2 in the morning in order to make it through Chicago without that annoying traffic. I had done some research on where we could get a hotel (emphasis on cheap...since we would only be there 6 or 7 hours) ahead of time and we settled on this (shall remain nameless) hotel in Portage. Maybe it should have tipped us off that they didn't "do reservations...but DID have plenty of rooms."

Just for the record...it was only $45.  And for good reason.

Another thing that could have possibly clued us in to the condition of the hotel was that it was located  across the road from a place called "Driftwood Bar" that appeared to be abandoned.  But, really, at 2 in the morning, I can barely walk straight, much less care too much about the surroundings of our hotel.

We checked in, got our stuff out of the van, and walked in through the (completely unlocked) exterior door, past the barricade in the hallway where the ceiling was falling down, and down the many hallways to our room, where the comforters had holes from cigarette burns (in a non-smoking room), the sheet had a stain that was of a suspicious yellow color and where, when I pulled my cell phone charger out of the outlet, the whole outlet just pulled right out of the wall.

Apparently Jeremy had gotten too much sleep while I was driving late into the night, because he kept making joke after (bad) joke while I was trying to fall asleep.

Things like "If Vinny knocks down our door and comes looking for his stash, we know we're in trouble" and "Don't try to go swimming in the morning, because the pool is empty.  I think they had to drain it to find Vinny's brother!"

and when I said "I'm glad you are here with me because I'm not sure I could find my way out of here in the morning", he said "Oh, just follow the police tape and the body chalk!"

I seriously think that over 2/3 of the people I know would have checked right back out of the hotel, but since I am a) not a germaphobe of any sort and b) a cheap-sake and c) I was super tired...we stayed. I told Jeremy that if we get bed bugs from that place, I will completely regret my decision.  Next time, we might just sleep in the van!

Oh, and PS -- This was a vehicle that was parked in the hotel parking lot.  Anyone know what F.Y.T. stands for?  Cuz in the meantime, I'm making up my own acronymns and  I'm not sure you want to know what they are.

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Jeremy was wearing this shirt (which, if you can't read it, says "You don't get a body like this by working out")  when we arrived in the South Bend area of Indiana.  But, he was wearing it with plain black shorts, which I did not consider to be a fashion tragedy, not-withstanding his love (and my hatred) of statement T-shirts.  But, when we went to Kohl's and he found these grey and white plaid shorts and paired them WITH this t-shirt...I couldn't take it anymore.

I tried to tell him how bad they looked together, but he would not listen.  So, I told him that I was taking a picture of him and putting it on my blog under "That's Awkward".  It didn't even phase him.  He was kind enough to even pose for me.  (Which makes me think maybe I shouldn't post this, but I have to keep my word, don't I?)

Anyway, this is Jeremy in his Wal-mart grocery-getting gear.  When I finally looked at the picture more closely this morning, I felt like it couldn't have been any more perfect that the poster to Jeremy's left is completely lined up with his pose and there is a gun to his head.

Maybe those guys on the poster are the fashion police???

But, I also thought I should post this second picture to show that Jeremy is still dang handsome, even in a (by the wife's standards) mis-matched outfit.  You really do rock those statement T's, honey!

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I had made 2 strawberry cream cheese desserts while the kids were gone...with fresh strawberries from my garden, mind you.

I took one to Bible study and the other was in our fridge and we were about to leave for the weekend. Jeremy suggested I bring it along and we could eat it when we were camping.

Great idea, but I am feeling like he should have followed through with further instructions for me.

I put the strawberry dessert (in a 9 X 13 pan with a non-sealing lid) in the bottom of the cooler. Then I bought a bag of ice.  I dumped the ice into the cooler.  The next morning I realized that the pan was not waterproof and somewhere west of South Bend we dumped pink strawberry juice/melted ice/water into the parking lot of a roadside plaza. 

My dessert was ruined!!  Jeremy had several suggestions as to how I could have handled this scenario differently. He's such a smart man.

1) Put ice UNDER the 9 X 13 pan.

2)  Place an UN-opened bag of ice in the cooler.

3)  Re-dye my hair. (Ok, that was my idea.)

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Waking up in the morning in the tent and going about my normal business of putting my contacts in. And then staring at myself in my little hand mirror for a full 30 seconds because I saw, for the first time, that I have this little "pouch" of skin on my eyelids, near the inside corner of my eye.

I wanted to blink and make it go away, but instead I stared with disbelief and wondered how that skin got there? And why I had never seen it before?  All of a sudden, I saw myself as an old lady and it kinda freaked me out.  Yeah, that was all kinds of awkward.

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Naked rock shining.

If you don't understand that phrase, let me explain.  This is where you are sent outside to turn off the hose and you are naked (having recently taken off your swimming suit).  Once you get out there, you decide that it would be a grand idea to "shine the rocks" on the retaining wall by hosing them down. All while naked.  Jeremy said this should be under the category of "Behaviors that need to stop within the next 10 years".  Ha, ha.

PS -- Isn't her little white butt just the cutest?

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And last by not least...having a "window war" with your son while driving home from town.  He tries to turn down the power window using his controls and you try to make sure it stays up by holding down the button on your side.

You play "chicken", which is him pretending to go for the button and faking you out, and then he tries to quickly beat you to it and so you hold down the button some more, laughing all the while.

And then...you get home and try to actually turn the window up and realize that you may have just burned up the motor of the power window with your little fun game.

Your husband glares. You feel super foolish.

You finally get the window up by using some pushing and pulling and sporadic punching of buttons and since then you have been afraid to try it again and see if it still doesn't work.

Because then you will feel even worse than you already do.

This may or may not have happened to someone I know.

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Now that's awkward...

Turning the ordinary into the awkward...
one episode at a time!

Awkward...channeling your inner Buddah in the back seat of the pickup.

He was also making the "Hmmm" sounds to go along with it.

Meditation at it's finest.  How could you not feel inner peace while

sandwiched between your two siblings in the back seat?

Awkward...The Barbie Threesome.

Isn't it clear to the black haired beauty in the

purple dress that curly haired Ken and Miss

Blondie are going hot and heavy and aren't

too interested in a third party coming on the scene?

Double awkwardness...the expression on

my son's face.  Maybe all that kissing was

getting to him!

Awkward...Delivering firewood in the rain.

By the time we got done with our 5th drop-off,

the back of my sweatshirt was soaked, I was

freezing, my jeans were wet, and I was trying

to keep from complaining too much.

Jeremy said something like "Your attitude

determines your altitude" and I was controlled

enough not to throw a bundle of firewood at him.

We stopped at Menards and I bought a $3.99

raincoat. Well, I think the word "coat" would be

a bit of a stretch.  It was a "one size fits all" and I

am pretty sure 3 of me could have fit inside of it.

My sweatshirt was hanging up to dry in the truck.

I just kind of felt like something THIS awkward

deserved its own full length picture.  I got a lot

of looks, but I'm pretty sure that they weren't

along the lines of "Wow! She's hot!"

Although Jeremy, bless his heart, did say that I

should label this post "RCH", which apparently

should stand for "Rain Coat Hottie"

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Awkward...Me spotting a cute little

red squirrel out by the bird feeder and excitedly

saying "Hey, there's a squirrel at the feeder!!"

My intention was for the kids to come and watch

that cute little guy with me.  One problem: a lot of

people in my family (say, maybe all of them but me)

prefer to kill squirrels instead of watching them.

Jeremy grabs the gun and I go into full panic

mode...clapping my hands and yelling out the

kitchen window at the squirrel

"Run, squirrel.  RUN!!!"

Thankfully, he did.

I don't care that the rest of the family missed out on

a spectacular Memorial Day kill.

I saved that little guys life.

Next time, I'll just watch him in silence.

Awkward...Shopping at Wal-Mart and noticing a fellow shopper

standing by the cantelopes, picking them up one by one, and

sniffing them right by the part where the stem used to be.

That was awkward enough. But, just as I was walking

past him, a fellow shopper (I never could figure out if he was

with guy #1 or just was so curious he HAD to walk up to

him and ask) came up to Mr. Cantelope Sniffer and said

something like "What the heck are you doing?"

I couldn't help myself. I had to get involved.

I said "I was wondering the same thing myself. I saw

you sniffing the cantelopes too."

Mr. Cantelope Sniffer proceeded to explain to me

that this is the way that you can tell if a cantelope is

ripe. And then, right there in the Wal-Mart produce

section, with Guy #2 and my daughter looking on, he

MADE me sniff not one, but two cantelopes.  And sure

enough, you CAN tell a different in the smell between the

ripe and non-ripe ones.

I asked him if this also works on watermelons, but alas,

apparently not. 

The level of excitement he exhibited as he was explaining

to me the wonder that is cantelope sniffing could certainly

earn him the "awkwardness of the week" award.

If only there was such a thing!

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